If you have seen the first part of the American Pie trilogy, notice I would never count the straight-to-dvd knock offs that were made, which only Eugene Levy stayed around to be in,
then you know who the biggest bro of the bunch was… at least for the beginning of the first movie: Oz. He was the star on the lacrosse team, along with fellow bro Stifler, and he had dece flow, and a ton of broads on him at all times. And his fashion sense was there if you pay attention throughout the movie:
He was seen as a leader of his group of friends, mainly because he was simply the man. He was the nice guy that wasn’t afraid to tell it how it is when times got too hectic throughout the clique, and each set of bro’s knows who that guy is in their crew. But then things started to change… He met a girl.
Don’t get me wrong here, us bros love the ladies, but this choir singing, red headed, pale broad legitimately sucked the life out of Oz and absolutely threw away any bro cred he had worked his whole life to earn. HE LEAVES HIS FINAL LACROSSE GAME to go sing in a damn choir concert, in which he had to switch out of a pinny and mid calfs in exchange for a goofy shirt and pants that don’t match. Makes me sick. All for the girl that looks like she could be the broad in the video in The Ring. What the hell Oz? You’re dead in 7 days.
As the movie progresses, you can actually see Oz’s broness wither away, and for those of us that still held our cred to the highest of our abilities, it hurt to watch this happen.
Eugene Levy was too busy spending his time on either teaching his son Jim how to impress Nadia, or whether or not he should go for a band nerd of his own. What he should have been doing is enrolling Oz in bromanship 101 and help get his wheels spinning back on the right track. Stifler on the other hand could be most at fault for this loss of dress game, and overall loss of dece. As the best bro, you have to be the one to confront the person in your clique who starts to get drawn into by some life-sucking she devil. Especially when you look at the situation he was in: The one dude was too busy doing yoga and dressing like that monk that let himself on fire in the street to protest something that wasn’t important,
his other bro was freaking out over getting with Tara Reid, and I’m not talking about post-op Tara Reid, I’m talking about smoke-show pre-Van Wilder Tara Reid,
and then there is Jim who for some reason can’t get a knack for the foreign exchange chick, probably because a pocket dictionary was needed at all times to distinct what her annoying overseas voice was even talking about, the Stifmeister he had to step up.
The moral of the story being that if you need to drain every once of bro out of your body in order to get with a girl that’s a 6 at best… it is in no way worth it. Maybe he got the nickname Oz because he was hanging out with this girl, who resembles a witch from the movie the Wizard of Oz.
I mentioned weeks ago that George Parros is in the Bro Hall of Fame. Chris ‘Oz’ Ostreicher wins the award for the biggest bro that turned into the biggest schmo.
Bro Hard OU
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