Since it is the spring, and highfest is upon us, the easiest way to spot out the biggest bro in a crowd will simply be to see who has the best throwback jersey. Now this post will be about defining exactly what “best” means.
Skill level: The way this works is that the worse the player of the jersey being worn, the more bro it is. I recently ordered a Brian Scalabrine jersey (if you don’t know who he is, he is the leprechaun that plays for the bulls now), needing it to be a throwback, I got his jersey when he played for the Celtics. The weakest jerseys are the ones of the best players in the NBA who still are with their current teams, but there are exceptions and this rule becomes nullified as soon as the player retires. The current exceptions include an L.A Kobe Bryant jersey, Oklahoma City Kevin Durant jersey, and a Washington Wizards John Wall jersey. I’ll paint a scenario, if you see someone in an old school black and red Steve Kerr jersey standing next to someone wearing a Dwight Howard magic jersey… who the true bro is really quite obvious. My current collection of throwbacks include: a purple John Stockton Jazz jersey, a Rudy Fernandez Rip City Trail Blazers jersey, a Suns Charles Barkley jersey, a Michigan State Drew Neitzel jersey, and a Manny Harris University of Michigan jersey just to name a few.
Controversy: The more controversial the jersey, the more bro it becomes. A duke lacrosse jersey is still hysterical to this day, and that whole incident was years ago. I still have a Plaxico Burress jersey (Steelers of course, not Giants) on hold for when he gets back into the league, because honestly, besides Cheddar Bob in 8 Mile, who shoots themselves in the leg? Last year I won a madden tournament in my dorm and first prize was $80 to nflshop.com to buy a jersey. Guess who I went with? Obviously, Mike Vick, the sad part is the RA running the event got fired 3 days later and I never got my reward, very un-chill. Basically whenever anyone in the NFL or NBA does something stupid, their jersey stock goes up, so us bros have to pay special attention to pop culture.
Hollywood Jerseys: Another exceptional jersey choice are jerseys that aren’t real, and are from movies or TV shows. A Kenny Powers jersey? Pretty bro. A Bill Murray Toon Squad jersey from Space Jam? Now we’re talking. The more creative the better. I saw a kid last year walking around with a Hawks Gordon Bombay jersey (if you have never seen the Mighty Ducks trilogy, there is a hole in your childhood that needs to be filled), I couldn’t even approach him, he was on another level.
So google “throwback jerseys” and go get yourself some bro attire that will get you noticed by the ladies, and respected by the bros.
Bro Hard OU.