I have written about some of the do’s so far when it comes to bro fashion, and now I am going to write about one of the absolutely, never ever, don’t even think about it’s of it. With the rise in the show Jersey Shore, many people are beginning to think that it is cool to wear shirts that are made by Affliction and Ed Hardy, considering the show’s characters (notice I say characters, not people) wear them while they rage. And don’t get me wrong, I love watching a bunch of orange, drunken idiots fight over who gets the last meatball more then anyone, but this fashion sense should never and i stress, never, be worn by anyone trying to depict themselves as a bro.
One of the many reasons why these brands are just not acceptable is because you just look like a goon. Now unless you are a UFC fighter, or straight out of the Jersey Shore, you are just asking yourself to get chirped for the entire night. If you want to try the experiment, feel free, I’ve been there, and it isn’t fun. One time while visiting Michigan State, I spilled food all over the only decent shirt I brought while I was driving. My buddy said, “no big deal bro, here I’ll grab ya something.” What happened next was he tossed me an Affliction shirt. Now at the time I was a bro in training, and not fully aware of the “No Affliction” rule, and to his credit, it was a pretty subtle looking shirt compared to most of the other apparel they put out. The chirpfest began, lasted all night, and was quite rigorous. The moral of the story being unless you are trying to be the one person that everyone makes fun of the whole night for trying to look like Mike Sorrentino, or “The Situation” to everyone who pretends to understand that as an acceptable nickname, then wearing Affliction is just a horrendous idea, and about as bro as figure skating.
Ed Hardy is even worse. Their shirts honestly look like somebody ate a 24-pack of crayola’s and threw it up on a shirt, and then had a 4 year-old come up with some of their genius (please note the sarcasm) slogans like “Love Kills Slowly” and “Born to Raise Hell.” Give me a break. Unless it was the Hell’s Angels themselves wearing these shirts and trying to start a ruckus, I would be more intimidated by a Hello Kitty purse then the clown trying to pull this shirt off.
It may come off as harsh, but in a bro’s eyes, you just look ridiculous. And if you can handle the negative attention of getting chirped for hours on end, go ahead and spend the 50 dollars on one of these hideous shirts.
But if you have no shame, and bro is your game, please find every Affliction or Ed Hardy piece of apparel, and burn it like Lebron’s jersey when he went to South Beach.
Bro Hard OU.