We’ve discussed flow on top of the dome, but now we need to discuss an asset that just ups you along the bro levels. It’s kind of like playing super mario bros 3 on NES (regular nintendo for all you kids that didn’t have a childhood), you can go through life slowly moving through the levels of bromanship without any type of facial hair, or you can have an unbelievably sick mustache and it is basically like flying atop the castle on world 1 to grab the flute and skip 3 worlds. One of many reasons why they were the super mario bros. This entire post is dedicated to the man who has for years been known for having the greatest mustache in professional sports: George freakin’ Parros.
Obviously, almost nobody will know who that is, but he is so bro that his mustache literally was half the reason he was in the NHL. Hell, when you put “George P” in google search, he is the 8th person on the list, behind household names like George Plimpton and George Pickett (who died over 130 years ago). He was super dusty when it came to skill level, such as shooting, puck handling, endurance, and defensive intelligence. But no one messed with this bro. Why? Not only is he one of the most notorious fighters in the league, but also because he is a 6’5″, 222 pound, Greek descending, beautiful flow having, disgusting mustache yielding Ultimate Bro. Oh and who says bros are dumb? Parros graduated from Princeton with honors and wrote his senior thesis on the West Coast longshoreman’s labor dispute…
He was recently tagged with the title of the 4th smartest professional athlete by Sporting News. Have I mentioned yet that he’s a fighter!? This guy gets paid to punch people in the face, and then he goes off on his yacht, with other men dressed in suits, eating only the finest caviar Europe has to offer, and discusses the financial trends of the last 25 years.
The myth behind his mustache is that when playing for the Avalanche in the show, he got chirped for shaving it, and he decided that he was going to not throw away the gift he received from the bro gods. Oh, and he even released a line of apparel called “stache gear” with all the proceeds going to charity. Oh, and you can buy Parros mustaches at the rink in Anaheim, where he currently plays, and all THOSE proceeds go toward charity. Oh, and every single christmas, he cuts his hair and donates it to locks of love. This guy is a fighter on the ice, and one of the most generous human beings off of it, and it’s not like he’s Ovechkin making millions of dollars a year. He makes just over $800,000 which is honestly pretty low for a professional athlete.
George Parros has 212 career fights in either the NHL or the AHL, postseason included.
It is for certain that when he retires he will never be on a ballot for the hockey hall of fame, but he will be a first ballot entrance into the Bro Hall of Fame. God Bless George Parros
Bro Hard OU