The Debate: Snapback vs. 5950

Oh the great debate in bro fashion is which one is really more fly?

New Era 5950’s (if you don’t know what they are, just X out of this page right now) were brought mainstream by hip hop artists like Jay-Z, who is almost always spotted with some sort of New York five-nine, Fat Joe, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg. Lids is one of the most popular stores in any mall it resides in, and also has by far the largest selection of caps on their website. They also have broadened their horizons greatly over the last decade – picking up affiliations with Red Bull, Monster, and Fox Racing. Travis Pastrana, arguably the biggest face in all of extreme sports, almost always wears one during his stint on MTV in the show “Nitro Circus.”

Pastrana with a Red Bull New Era... Dece.

But when it comes down to it, are any of these people mentioned really that bro? Not really, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve owned close to 20 fine-nine’s in my lifetime and I actually am going to have to go against my own swag here. Pastrana is bananas and Jay-Z is my dude but bros… you gotta step your lid game up.

Snapback’s have always been around, my dad threw em on me when I was just a little bro flippin’ around TechDecks. If you dig through my facebook page, there’s a picture of me kickin it on my stairs throwing out double deuces in an All Sport snapback. That’s right, All Sport. That beverage doesn’t even exist anymore. My pops knew what was up.

But anyways, to get back on the connection of pop culture and the cap game, the one person that really comes to mind is rapper Mac Miller. Self-proclaimed lax bro and he commonly name drops snapbacks in his music. He even has a song titled “Wear My Hat” off of his new mixtape, “Best Day Ever,” basically saying that if his broad loses his snapback he will absolutely go crazy on her, because that’s a legitimate reason to breakup. I’m just saying that if I had a girlfriend and she yanked a throwback Quebec Nordiques snapback from me and either ruined it, or lost it, I would probably have to put my name back on the market and go fishing for a new one, because there are plenty of fish in the sea that respect a fresh hat game. Mac represents for the bro’s.

Mac Miller with a super dirty Penguins snapback

It also just makes long hair look way better than a 5950. The architectural structure of a new era takes up more space atop the dome than your average snapback, which takes away from the beauty of nice and natural lettuce (another term for flow). Some of us spent years of time and hundreds on products in order to finally earn the title of having outrageous flow, we don’t need something taking away from it.

In this war, snapbacks take the cake. There are multiple sites to check out if your paycheck just came in and you want to put some funds down to improve your cap game. My two favorite sites are snapbackthethrowback and snapsteez.

Osama is dead, Bro Hard OU.

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Broverload and Overflow: Get Educated.

Two of my favorite concepts to discuss: Bro overload (broverload), and the principle dynamics of overflow.

Broverload is very simple, and I am honestly surprised there was nothing put into place by Brover Cleveland during his eight years in office at the end of the 19th century. Broverload does not exist. We rage harder when the ratio is around 10:1 bro’s to broads. Broverload is honestly a good thing in our opinion, and we’ll try to coordinate with each other for unreal memories. Here is where fashion comes in. If you and one of your best bros can coordinate throwback jerseys to the point of your pong team being the same as the starting lineup in NBA Jam, that is borderline legendary. If i am up next on the table, and I see my opponents being Steve Kerr and Tony Kukoc… I’m a little nervous. Many people think that if they walk into a party and see a bunch of jerseys, mid calfs, sperrys, old school high top nikes, frat letters, lacrosse and/or hockey apparel, and nice argyle shorts, then the place will be considered unenterable (I just made that word up) because the laws of broverload are in effect, they are dead wrong. We rage with the broads, and we rage harder with the bros.

Overflow isn’t that complicated of a subject either, the difficult part is defining the medium between flow, dece flow, great flow, and overflow. Dece flow and great flow is what we shoot for. My best dude also has tremendous hair, similar length is mine, and we know that when we go out together to a soiree with some of the bros and some ladies we cant both let our flow rage out the back of snap backs or 59 50’s because lets be honest, it just really isn’t that fair to the rest of the people around us who haven’t been as blessed by the hair gods as we have. So one of us will go out looking classy with the pony tail out. The three scenarios are both tail (dece flow), one tail and one rage (great flow), and both rage (overflow). There isn’t really a party foul given if overflow is committed, it just allows chirping to commence.

One of the prettiest sights in bro-kind is when broverload and overflow are combined in the same visual frame.

So all there is to say to everyone that will read this and start chirping to their friends about this kid writing about gorgeous flow and the theories of broverload, my only message is Don’t Hate, Educate.

Bro Hard OU.

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Repping School Colors

So we’ve gone over the importance of throwback jerseys, and we’ve gone over repping hometown colors when it comes to sports teams, and as i mentioned earlier, bros love where they came from, and will argue that wherever they went is the greatest until the day they die.

Now when I say school colors, I don’t really mean the white and forest of our prestigious Ohio University, because all that really says is that my parents visited and we were in the book store and I took advantage of the ability to cop some free threads off them. Obviously, wearing OU colors at any point in time is fine, but i want to discuss a deeper admiration for the places we grew up.

When I say school colors, I mean high school and grade school colors. When black and yellow came out, I was furious at the timing, it was after I had graduated high school and those were our school colors, then you get down here, half my wardrobe is black and yellow, and people start to say bandwagon, and we’ve covered the fallacies in that. A huge part of bro fashion is letting people know where you are from, not only is it a great conversation starter with the broads, but it also assures your self-confidence, and that will become easily detectable.

No matter how terrible our football team was in high school (ours was 0-9 my junior year), or how terrible shape the gym is in, or how much of a smoke show your chemistry teacher was, we will always proclaim our school to be prime. If you don’t believe me ask a kid that went to St. Ignatius to claim that St. Eds was better… good luck. We wear our school colors with pride, more than likely repping the sport or sports we played there. Nothing like wearing a 2006 hockey state championship shirt up morton hill and walking by someone in their varsity crew jacket… absurd.

Extra points goes to the bro who still has attire from junior high or grade school, because if there is one continuous theme that goes into bro fashion, it is the power of a throwback. Because we all were all stars in elementary school, leading scorers of the 5th grade basketball team averaging an astounding 6.5 points per game, with 3 steals, and 15 missed lay-ups. We ran that elementary school, and it needs to be put into the public. It’s not being arrogant, or cocky, its just being real.

Us bros represent our hometowns to the fullest extent of the law. Because no matter how rich, poor, populous, rural, urban the neighborhood is that you came from, it is still where you came from. And it will remain in your blood until the day you die. Good looks Traverse City Central. So wear your colors proud, and don’t let anyone say their high school trumps yours.

Bro Hard OU.

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Bandwagon Kids and Bro Posers… Brosers If I May

The one true thing about us is that we can get chirped by frisbee throwers all day and it will never bother us because we know people try to insult the people who they wish they were. The one thing that will absolutely turn us into a furry, is the people that wear the clothes where they are trying to be us… but have no right to be doing so. Now don’t get this confused with support. If someone is wearing an OU hockey sweatshirt but doesn’t play here that is different. And don’t EVER get someone wearing a bandwagon jersey confused with a throwback, that’s a borderline sin. Lets break this down:

There is a very, specific equation to the most broken rule that I can easily define for everyone real quick. Kid who doesn’t play lacrosse + lax pinnie = Broser. It’s that simple, all that we ask is that you never try to be someone you just aren’t. You will never see myself wearing anything lacrosse because I don’t play. Sure, I know kids on the team and I will go to Pruitt Field to shoot with them, but as soon as I rifle one 30 feet over the net and it goes over the stadium fence and smashes the roof of an OU utility fan… I usually dip out.

This is just the simplest of concepts, don’t wear what you haven’t earned.

And now to discuss bandwagon wearers. This honestly drives us all nuts. Bro’s love where they came from, whether it be from the depths of hell, or from the nicest of communities (I will discuss this is farther detail in a later post). And honestly, one of the worst things we can be called is a bandwagon fan. I’m from Michigan, but both of my parents were raised and went to school in the Pittsburgh area, so I was raised in black and yellow for as long as I can remember. When I get called a bandwagon Pitt fan, I snap.

Anyways, did anyone else notice how many Packers fans there all of a sudden was when they won the Super Bowl this year? Or how about Blackhawks fans after they won the cup? True bros stick to the teams and their cities and are loyal through the best of times, and especially through the worst of times. A true bro from Cleveland still goes to the Indians games months after they have been eliminated from playoff contention. A true bro from Detroit cheers on a 2-12 Lions team as if they are playing in the Super Bowl.

Remember, fashion speaks for itself, and when it comes to sports apparel, if you are a bandwagon fan, you are not a bro, you are not a human, you are the scum of the earth.

BUT, if after the Packers won the Super Bowl you went out and bought a 3rd jersey, yellow, Bart Starr jersey… that is absolutely awesome.

Stay loyal, remember where you came from, where your family came from, and rep those colors until the day that you die.

Bro Hard OU.

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Affliction and Ed Hardy… No Bro.

I have written about some of the do’s so far when it comes to bro fashion, and now I am going to write about one of the absolutely, never ever, don’t even think about it’s of it. With the rise in the show Jersey Shore, many people are beginning to think that it is cool to wear shirts that are made by Affliction and Ed Hardy, considering the show’s characters (notice I say characters, not people) wear them while they rage. And don’t get me wrong, I love watching a bunch of orange, drunken idiots fight over who gets the last meatball more then anyone, but this fashion sense should never and i stress, never, be worn by anyone trying to depict themselves as a bro.

One of the many reasons why these brands are just not acceptable is because you just look like a goon. Now unless you are a UFC fighter, or straight out of the Jersey Shore, you are just asking yourself to get chirped for the entire night. If you want to try the experiment, feel free, I’ve been there, and it isn’t fun. One time while visiting Michigan State, I spilled food all over the only decent shirt I brought while I was driving. My buddy said, “no big deal bro, here I’ll grab ya something.” What happened next was he tossed me an Affliction shirt. Now at the time I was a bro in training, and not fully aware of the “No Affliction” rule, and to his credit, it was a pretty subtle looking shirt compared to most of the other apparel they put out. The chirpfest began, lasted all night, and was quite rigorous. The moral of the story being unless you are trying to be the one person that everyone makes fun of the whole night for trying to look like Mike Sorrentino, or “The Situation” to everyone who pretends to understand that as an acceptable nickname, then wearing Affliction is just a horrendous idea, and about as bro as figure skating.

Ed Hardy is even worse. Their shirts honestly look like somebody ate a 24-pack of crayola’s and threw it up on a shirt, and then had a 4 year-old come up with some of their genius (please note the sarcasm) slogans like “Love Kills Slowly” and “Born to Raise Hell.” Give me a break. Unless it was the Hell’s Angels themselves wearing these shirts and trying to start a ruckus, I would be more intimidated by a Hello Kitty purse then the clown trying to pull this shirt off.

It may come off as harsh, but in a bro’s eyes, you just look ridiculous. And if you can handle the negative attention of getting chirped for hours on end, go ahead and spend the 50 dollars on one of these hideous shirts.

But if you have no shame, and bro is your game, please find every Affliction or Ed Hardy piece of apparel, and burn it like Lebron’s jersey when he went to South Beach.

Bro Hard OU.

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Throwback Jerseys: Crucial.

Since it is the spring, and highfest is upon us, the easiest way to spot out the biggest bro in a crowd will simply be to see who has the best throwback jersey. Now this post will be about defining exactly what “best” means.

Skill level: The way this works is that the worse the player of the jersey being worn, the more bro it is. I recently ordered a Brian Scalabrine jersey (if you don’t know who he is, he is the leprechaun that plays for the bulls now), needing it to be a throwback, I got his jersey when he played for the Celtics. The weakest jerseys are the ones of the best players in the NBA who still are with their current teams, but there are exceptions and this rule becomes nullified as soon as the player retires. The current exceptions include an L.A Kobe Bryant jersey, Oklahoma City Kevin Durant jersey, and a Washington Wizards John Wall jersey. I’ll paint a scenario, if you see someone in an old school black and red Steve Kerr jersey standing next to someone wearing a Dwight Howard magic jersey… who the true bro is really quite obvious. My current collection of throwbacks include: a purple John Stockton Jazz jersey, a Rudy Fernandez Rip City Trail Blazers jersey, a Suns Charles Barkley jersey, a Michigan State Drew Neitzel jersey, and a Manny Harris University of Michigan jersey just to name a few.

Controversy: The more controversial the jersey, the more bro it becomes. A duke lacrosse jersey is still hysterical to this day, and that whole incident was years ago. I still have a Plaxico Burress jersey (Steelers of course, not Giants) on hold for when he gets back into the league, because honestly, besides Cheddar Bob in 8 Mile, who shoots themselves in the leg? Last year I won a madden tournament in my dorm and first prize was $80 to to buy a jersey. Guess who I went with? Obviously, Mike Vick, the sad part is the RA running the event got fired 3 days later and I never got my reward, very un-chill. Basically whenever anyone in the NFL or NBA does something stupid, their jersey stock goes up, so us bros have to pay special attention to pop culture.

Hollywood Jerseys: Another exceptional jersey choice are jerseys that aren’t real, and are from movies or TV shows. A Kenny Powers jersey? Pretty bro. A Bill Murray Toon Squad jersey from Space Jam? Now we’re talking. The more creative the better. I saw a kid last year walking around with a Hawks Gordon Bombay jersey (if you have never seen the Mighty Ducks trilogy, there is a hole in your childhood that needs to be filled), I couldn’t even approach him, he was on another level.

So google “throwback jerseys” and go get yourself some bro attire that will get you noticed by the ladies, and respected by the bros.

Bro Hard OU.

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Flow: The icing on the Bro Cake

When it comes to bro fashion, one of the most crucial elements to put everything together is not a piece of clothing, it is the ability to be able to pull off having an incredible head of hair. Us bro’s do not grow old fearing death or being alone, we fear balding. The thought that one day old age could strip us of our flow will send goosebumps up our spines.

Many of us have a yearly, and sometimes longer, schedule that we stick to in order to make sure our flow always stays healthy: whether it be the 3-month trim, the devotion to a certain brand of conditioner, or the multiple empty bottles of Biotin that pile up on our dressers. Not to mention, the relationship between a bro and his hairdresser: There is only one person in the Milky Way Galaxy that I will ever allow to trim my hair, her name is Rebecca, and she is a goddess.

Another reason why us bros care so much about our hair is that a lot of us are or were at one point athletes. Many of us play club sports in college, but to quote Brantford Winstonworth (the subject of the youtube viral video ‘Ultimate Lax Bro’), “we still try really hard.” The main point is this: Having long hair run out of the back of a lacrosse or hockey helmet looks absolutely amazing, and if this can be complimented by a respectable mustache, well then you are just on another level completely. You know the saying, “look good, feel good, play good.” And who says that us bros do not have fashion sense when it comes to color coordinating? Find me a bro who loves his flow that doesn’t have at least 5 different “flow bands” to match with his outfit, and I’ll find you a guy that just doesn’t go that hard in the paint.

In the long run, us bros are always going to be givers. Every bro knows the length before he can cut his lovely locks and donate them to a better cause (10 inches of a pony tail to Locks of Love for all you bro haters out there), and we take pride in knowing that after a long run, sometimes it just has to get cut. Whether it be for work, or your parents threatening to cut off your finances, that day will sadly come. The last time I got my hair buzzed, it was like I was literally having my self-esteem be surgically removed from my system. I remember watching it float to the floor and reminiscing on all the memories we had.

So I end this post by telling all bros out there to let the flow rage to it’s longest ability. I have to run to Dunham’s right now to buy some flow bands… I’m being dead serious.

Bro Hard OU.

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